Adults: Christian dating and Relationships
Some churches very occasionally teach about singleness, and they sometimes teach about marriage, but they almost never teach the practicalities about how to get from 'A' to 'B' in a godly way via dating and relationships.
We need to create a healthy dating culture in the church if we're going to help make Christian marriage possible, and the resources below show practical steps that churches and individuals can take to help do this.
NB. Terminology in the UK is a bit different to the US! Usually for UK Christian adults:
-
'Dating' = getting to know each other with a view to seeing if you want to be in a 'going out' relationship (exclusive, romantic)
-
'Going out/relationship' = getting to know each other with a view to seeing if you want to get married
7 Reasons Your Church Needs More Men: How to lead a gender balanced church supporting healthy singleness, dating, marriage and youth (The Engage Network, 2018)
See Chapter 8 ‘Dating and relationships: what would it look like if things were working well in the church?’
With lots of practical tips for individuals and couples to flourish in their situation, and for local churches.
How to get a date worth keeping (Dr Henry Cloud, 2005)
Comprehensive and indepth book addressing emotional, spiritual and practical issues in dating. Essential reading.
See also helpful topical and Q&A video advice from Dr Henry Cloud and Dr John Townsend (American Christian Psychologists) at https://www.cloudtownsend.com/video-advice/channel/Dating/
Christian Connection: www.christianconnection.com/
“The UK’s leading online dating site for single Christians.” Dating, events, meetups, message boards, blogs, success stories, advice, polls and more.
SALT Christian dating app: https://www.be-salt.com/
Run by Christians, for Christians. "SALT is here to help Christian dating be a little less awkward and a lot more fun..."
Dare to Date (Aukelien van Abbema, 2017, UK)
Drawing on her personal Christian dating experience, and work as a Couples Psychologist and dating course leader, Aukelien's book is "invaluable advice on how to date well" (from the Introduction by Nicky and Sila Lee). Full of really helpful insights, stories and strategies that will improve your dating life.
-
Listen to the Woman to Woman interview on Premier radio with Maria Rodrigues. Podcast episode "Christians should be better at dating!"
Boundaries in Dating book
Essential reading - practical but comprehensive advice for Christian couples who are in a 'going out' (UK) or 'dating' (US) relationship
(Dr Henry Cloud and Dr John Townsend, 2000) Small Group Study DVD and workbook also available.
The Dating Dilemma (Rachel Gardner and Andre Adefope, 2013, UK)
Accessible, understandable and packed with practical advice for Christians who want to do dating and relationships well.
Summary Article about ‘The Dating Dilemma’ by Andre Adefope
More helpful articles, bible studies, podcasts, blogs and stories at: www.relationshipdilemma.com
Speakers and courses available: Relationship Dilemma Course
Single, Dating, Engaged, Married: Navigating life and love in the modern age (Ben Stuart, 2017)
Amazing Love - 8 DVDs by Dr Henry Cloud: Ideal for church/group teaching and discussion sessions.
Eight 60-minute sessions. A cohesive series, but sessions can also be downloaded as audio or video files individually. Available from the 'Store' at www.cloudtownsend.com
"When love works well, it is an amazing experience, everything else pales in comparison. It enriches our lives and gives us a sense of fulfillment and joy. Join us as we journey deep into the inner workings of love. This series will teach you practical skills that you won't learn anywhere else. It will enable you to improve your odds of getting and keeping the love you want."
1. What love looks like 2. Extreme dating makeover 3. Dating made easy (men only) 4. The ties that bind
5. Lovedoctor.com 6. Sex night for singles? 7. Love's slippery slope 8. Why love breaks down
God will make a way (Dr Henry Cloud and Dr John Townsend, 2005), particularly chapters 9-11 on Dating and New Romance, Marriage and Relationships, Intimacy and Sex.
Sex before marriage?
Many people find themselves confused by sex and sexuality. Some are trapped in sexual patterns that may damage their self-esteem or even ruin their ability to form a lasting relationship. In this booklet Nicky Gumbel combines a biblical approach to the subject with realism and honesty.
New Rules for Love, Sex, and Dating (Andy Stanley, 2015) U.S. pastor and bestselling author Andy Stanley provides practical, biblical, uncensored advice to anyone who is dating or thinking about marriage.
Hold Me Tight (Dr Sue Johnson, 2008). This book shares advice and practical exercises on how couples can develop and nurture increasingly healthy relationships by establising secure emotional attachments.
Pure (Linda Marshall 2010). Originally written with students in mind, but relevant for others too.
'Would like to meet': The real-life diary of a 30-something Christian woman looking for love (HopefulGirl, 2013)
Perceptive, funny, true-to-life and a great read about dating for both men and women.
Notes on Love: Being single and dating in a marriage-obsessed church (Lauren Windle, 2021) Shining a light on the trials, tribulations – and sometimes triumphs – of being single and dating in the Church.
Relatable: Exploring God, love & connection in the age of choice (Vicky Walker, 2019) Explores the complex background to the issues in today’s church around dating and relationships, with humour and real-life experiences.
Faith For A Mate (New Testament Church of God, 2017)
An online course: How three women met their husbands. www.faithforamate.com
Nicky and Sila Lee (Founders and Leaders, Relationship Central, Holy Trinity Brompton Church, London.
Exploding the myths around dating and marriage
Christian dating websites, apps and introduction agencies
by Jackie Elton, Founder/Director, Christian Connection
'How to make the best of internet dating'
by Jackie Elton, Founder/Director, Christian Connection
Christian Connection: https://www.christianconnection.com
“The UK’s leading online dating site for single Christians.” Dating, events, meetups, message boards, blogs, success stories, advice, polls and more.
SALT Christian dating app: https://www.be-salt.com/
Run by Christians, for Christians. "SALT is here to help Christian dating be a little less awkward and a lot more fun..."
Christian Café: www.christiancafe.com
Run by Christians. US based.
Fusion101: www.fusion101.co.uk
Run by Christians. UK based. Free site.
Online Dating: top tips for success (2014)
by Dr David Pullinger (Researcher, Author and
Co-Founder of www.singlefriendlychurch.com)
Top tips that are easy to remember, fun and easy to read, based on research, tried and tested.
Recommended by both Christian dating websites and the UK Online Dating Association.
Other Resources
The myth of "The One": Article by Dr David Pullinger exploring the concept of meeting 'the One' person who is right for us.
Top 20 things to look for in a Christian partner: Article by Dr Wyatt Fisher (American Christian Psychologist).
https://www.christiancrush.com/relationships/christian-soul-mate.html
Supporting Christians who are in ‘mixed relationships’ (where one partner is a Christian and the other is not – usually Christian women)
Events and social groups
Events for Christians: www.eventsforchristians.co.uk
Northern Lights: www.northern-lights-singles.co.uk
Bedford Christian Singles: www.bedfordchristiansingles.co.uk
South Coast Events: www.scenechristianevents.uk
Oak Hall Holidays: www.oakhall.co.uk